


The White Room

by ashangel101010



Series: Ashla and Bogan [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Legends - All Media Types
Genre: Armitage Hux Has Issues, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Companion Piece, Experimental Style, Gen, Guilty Armitage Hux, M/M, Matt the Radar Technician is not Kylo Ren, Matt the Radar Technician is taking care of him, Nice Armitage Hux, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Sad Armitage Hux, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sick Armitage Hux, True Love, who is he?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 21:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7949413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashangel101010/pseuds/ashangel101010
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While Kylo Ren rifles through Hux's mind, Armitage Hux is with Matt. Matt the Radar Technician. Matt who deserves better. </p>
<p>They are in the white room. Together. </p>
<p>"I deserve nothing."</p>
<p>"You deserve so much more."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The White Room

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer- I own nothing in the Star Wars universe or anything in any universe; I just like writing stories set in that universe. 
> 
> So what does an author do who feels guilty about Hux getting his vulnerable memories exposed to Kylo Ren? By writing a companion story that is probably going to rip my heart out! Seriously, someone help Hux. He's not as helpless as Mitaka the Cinnamon Roll, but he's so very, very, deeply unhappy. Mostly, with himself. Thankfully, Matt is here to help him! Oh, and Matt isn't Kylo Ren.........so who the Seven Sith Hells is he?

The White Room Prologue

*

Suggested Theme:

Main Theme- Never-ending Story by Within Temptation

*

_I will not ruin Matt._

_I will not ruin Matt._

_I will not ruin Matt._

**_Why?_ **

_He deserves better._

**_Why?_ **

_I am not good._

**_Why?_ **

_I am no Jedi Prince._

**_Since when?_ **

_Always._

**_You knew since birth?_ **

_No, not until sixteen._

**_How?_ **

_Father told me._

**_Which?_ **

_The Commandant._

**_Why?_ **

_I became a man._

**_What is a man?_ **

_A man no longer needs his father._

**_Who taught you that?_ **

_The Commandant told me before he left._

**_Why?_ **

_Because I deserved the full-truth._

**_What is the full-truth?_ **

_My future._

**_Was that all?_ **

_No. I learned that I was evil._

**_Did he tell you that?_ **

_No. I accepted that fact when I was seventeen._

**_Why?_ **

_Mara told me the entire-truth._

**_What is the entire-truth?_ **

_I deserve to die in the snow for being evil._

**_Do you?_ **

_Yes. I am no Jedi Prince._

**_What is Matt to you?_ **

_Goodness._

**_How?_ **

_He gave me his peach._

**_Why?_ **

_Because he is kind to someone undeserving as me!_

**_Why you then?_ **

_I don’t know._

**_Matt?_ **

_Yes. I don’t deserve to know him._

**_Why?_ **

_Because he deserves better._

**_Why?_ **

_Because I don’t deserve him._

**_Why?_ **

_I deserve nothing._

**_You are wrong._ **

_…_

**_You deserve freedom._ **

_No, I don’t._

**_You deserve happiness._ **

_No, I don’t!_

**_You deserve love._ **

_NO, I DON’T!_

**_I love you._ **

_NO!_

_NO!_

_NO!_

_I DON’T DESERVE ANYTHING!!!!_

_I DON’T DESERVE ANYTHING!!!_

_I DON’T DESERVE ANYTHING!!_

_I DON’T DESERVE ANYTHING!_

_I DON’T DESERVE MATT!_

**_You deserve so much more._ **

*

            Armitage Hux wakes up to a white room. From all that he can see, white is the ceiling. White is the walls. White is the floor. White is the sheets. White is the bed. White is the door. White is his favorite color. White is snow. White is hair. White is the Jedi Prince.

_I am no Jedi Prince. Father was wrong about me. Forgive me, Father, for I am evil!_ Armitage Hux thrashes weakly against his unrestrained thoughts. The sheets remain pristine like the color. The door opens.

“Good evening, Armitage.” Matt greets him perfectly. His unnatural-blonde curls bounce as he walks to the bed. Armitage sits up too quickly and feels his head spin.

“M-Matt……….I……….you shouldn’t be here!” Armitage goes straight into a coughing fit like he was sickly toddler again. _For once, my cough didn’t stain these sheets red._

“Why?” Matt asks with a beautiful smile stretching across his wonderful face.

“I…….I’ll ruin you.” Armitage coughs harshly and curls into himself, not wanting to let his spittle hit Matt.

“You are sick.” _Yes, yes, I am, Matt. Sicker than you know. Sick with evil. So sick that I just won’t do the galaxy a favor and end it all!_ His lungs seize up again and he chokes for air.

“I am, so go away. Please, leave me. You deserve better!” Armitage wheezes. He wishes for his lungs to stop breathing so hard. He wishes for his heart to stop beating so hard. He wishes for his body to stop trying so hard.

“You deserve so much more.” Matt’s eyes shine brightly like glowing earth. Armitage wants to warn him off again, but he cannot bring himself to ruin Matt’s ears with his undeserving voice. He goes into another violent coughing fit and feels as though his lungs might breaks ribs from the inside.

“Shh…..I am here. I will take care of you.” Matt rubs stars across his back and patiently waits for his fit to subside. When Armitage faces Matt again, there are tears in his green eyes.

“You deserve better.” Armitage weakly protests. Matt is still smiling, even after his paltry bravado. His smile is not of laughter at his foolishness or secretly brimming with anger at his stubbornness.

“You deserve so much more.” Matt repeats once more. He gently pushes Armitage back onto the bed. He then pulls the covers up to Armitage’s neck and tucks him in like he’s a four-year-old again. Armitage remembers those days in which he was young and being taken care of by Father again.

“Where do fathers go?” Armitage quietly asks.

And Matt just smiles at him.

*

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Comments- Okay, here are the links: 
> 
> Here’s link to the song and the music video which gave me the resolve to write this. Think of the song as basically the overture for the entire story: [Link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0pZoYHpmlc)
> 
> Here’s a link to Revolutionary Girl Utena episode 39 “And Someday, Together, We’ll Shine” which also inspired the tone and future influx of symbolism for this companion piece. Also, I finished Yuri Kuma Arashi which reminds me of Utena but far sillier, more colorful, and less episodes, but it was interesting nonetheless. Anyways, I also picked this episode in particular because………it’s like a giant warning for things to come. So, prepare yourself: [Link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nubkFslqVjc)
> 
> With the links out of the way, time to explain why I actually decided to write a companion piece, which is ongoing, with a story that is still clearly ongoing. Aside from the obvious reason because I want to and because I can, I first have to explain what happened to me last night. 
> 
> Last night, I was trying to sleep, but my body felt like it was being suffocated even though I’ve never had asthma before. And then I started wondering if Hux ever felt this way and recalled several stories in which Hux sufferers from either asthma attacks or panic attacks. And then I started wondering what it would be like writing Hux in that scenario. Did that abate my perceived body pains? No, I took sleeping pills at almost two in the morning and felt like crap in the morning. 
> 
> But the most important thing about that uncomfortable experience was that it gave me a general idea of what story I wanted to write for Hux, which I presumed was going to be a future one-shot having little relevance to Where Do Fathers Go? However, I began watching the last three episodes of Yuri Kuma Arashi and my mind kept wandering back to Utena and back to a sick Hux. And then I thought: I want to write something abstract and something wonderful like Utena. And I want Hux to be the main focus. But how? Wait a minute, I am literally writing a story in which Kylo pfassking Ren just drugged Hux with a poisoned peach! Where did Hux go? I know he’s gone to a place where he can get some damn help because Kylo Ren isn’t helping at all. And better yet, let’s throw Matt the Radar Technician in there because I just want to write a Matt in which he isn’t secretly Darth Tantrum in disguise! 
> 
> And boom, I wrote this prologue in less than a day and hope it’s to your liking. Also, should you be concerned that Matt isn’t Kylo Ren? Yes, you should definitely be concerned. And some future Force Ghosts are also very concerned by Matt who clearly isn’t Kylo Ren/Ben Solo.


End file.
